December 30th, 2004

me: portrait

I am very fragile right now...

and there's no real reason. I found myself sobbing in the van this AM while listening to Trout Fishing in America's "Christmas Letter"'s your typical family letter, set to music - you know, filling in all the details of the past year to folks you haven't spoken to in a while.

The verse that set me off? "My wife is keeping busy, she loves to volunteer. I still love her madly, even though there's little time alone. Her hobbies include yard sales, garage sales, any kind of sale. My hobby's finding places for the treasures she brings home."

Now, if you knew Steve, you know that verse is *him*. He was the Garage Sale King of the Universe. Anytime I wanted something, I mentioned it to him. It might take a bit, but he *always* found it at a garage/estate/yard/clearance sale. For under $50. (Or for less than 50% of the current market value. Seriously. He bought a Craftsman wood lathe for $50. In pristine condition. From a garage sale - it wasn't. For sale, I mean. 15 minutes later, we were loading it in the Blazer.)

I can't really figure *why* I'm so fragile right now. Maybe it's because I'm pretty much pain-free for the first time in over 2 years? We're in a holding pattern at work - the owner is in *very* poor health, and we're placing bets on how long before his obit hits the paper. (We figure we have 6 months of employment from that point. He changed his will to let the bank step in and run everything, and they are Not gonna want to keep us on the payroll. *shrug* Nothing we can do, and we've seen it coming for 2 years) I don't think that's it, since we've had plenty of time to come to terms with it. The kids/horses/dogs/rest of the zoo are I dunno.

It's stupid, the slightest thing makes me tear up right now. The kids are watching "The Ballad of Little Joe" (Veggie Tales) right now, and I'm fighting back tears - it's not a sad movie, it's silly.....

Ahhh, whatever. I'm gonna go into my cave right now and cry it out. Maybe I can get it out of my system that way.
  • Current Music
    The Veggie Tales Theme song
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