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Random Musings - Random babblings of a fiber-obsessed nutcase

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Previous Entry Random Musings Jul. 16th, 2004 @ 07:06 pm Next Entry
This has been a strange week, all told. I have been really pushing myself, but didn't realize it until my brother, itsjames2u, pointed it out to me. He e-mailed me on the 14th, and said something about how he was sure "yesterday was hard on you". It took me a minute to figure out *what* he meant......it would have been our 8th anniversary. I didn't even notice.

This is good, actually - last year I spent almost the whole month of July tearing up over *everything*. I think the move helped - new house, new neighbors, new neighborhood - there's nothing to remind me. I've spent almost the entire past month painting the interior, cleaning, re-cleaning.....so busy that I don't have time to stop and think.

One of the hardest things for me has been in socializing with people. I am not, for the most part, a social animal - I'd much rather stay at home, curled up with a good book. Steve, however, was *extremely* social - he never met someone who wasn't a friend. He could talk to total strangers for hours about anything and everything - when presented with a stranger, I tend to hide myself in a corner and just watch.

It doesn't help that I'm not what most people consider "normal".....I have strange hobbies (spinning/weaving/knitting), I like to play dress-up (bodices and corsets *rule*!), and I have a photographic memory, which means strange bits of trivia pop out of my brain at odd moments. I don't fit in with Rennies - I'm too SCA-ish, but I'm too Renn-ish to fit in with the SCA-dians. I had the group last night just totally enthralled by the fact that I could knit *and* talk *and* read the handout, all at the same time...and they all think I'm a little off because I like to play with wool.

So, it's been really hard the last 7 months - trying to get acquainted with the neighbors (when I'd much prefer to lock myself inside and ignore the world), trying to fit in at a new church (*that's* been an interesting proposition, in and of itself)....if I could run around in a bodice and skirts, I'd be much more comfortable - the bodice transforms me into someone much more social and outgoing. But, alas, "normal" society would look askance at that.

The church.....well. It's a small, very small, rural church. We average 55-60 members each Sunday. The people there are really friendly - they don't mind my son attempting to disassemble the pews in the middle of the sermon , in fact, one of the male members offered him some advice. (That doesn't, in my experience, happen often - older people are usually ticked at the antics of a very active 4 year old). They have actually apoligized to *me* over the fact that the nursery attendant didn't show up one Sunday, and 3 of the ladies sat with me to help keep my 2 kidlets entertained during the service. That's *never* happened to me before - it feels great, if a bit odd. These are down-home farmers, for the most part...and I *so* do not fit in. I don't farm, I don't run cattle, or sheep, or chickens......yeah, so I have 5 horses. That doesn't even cause a blink, whereas in the city church I grew up in, that made me (once again) an oddball. They aren't quite sure how to relate to me - I'm young but widowed. Single mom to 2 young kids, but was actually married to their father (actually, I haven't noticed any single parents here.....that's not the normal trend around here.)

I'm trying really hard to be more like Steve, but it goes against my nature. It's getting a little easier - I mean, I actually volunteered to help with the VBS.....but I don't think it'll ever be 2nd nature. Fortunately, my kids take after Steve more than they do me. Both of them are social critters...*very* social. That'll be hard on me in a few years.......I hate parties, and group gatherings, and sleepovers......arrgh. Better start mentally preparing myself *now*, huh?

Ahhh, well. Enough. Need to change subjects...oh, yeah. Why are people jerks? I was coming home today, driving a little over the speed limit, in the right lane (I was going to stop at Thrall-mart on the way home), and I noticed a red Chevy truck on the on-ramp. I didn't even think, I automatically slowed down so he could merge on in. That *jerk* had the audicity to honk his horn and flip me off. Hmmmmmmph!

I impressed myself; I didn't lose my cool. I said "Thanks ever so much for showing me what a *true* gentleman you are!" Oh, well - the Lord saw it, and was pleased - I got a parking spot right in front of the door at Thrall-mart.

And, when I got home, Lucy decided I needed entertainment. She was playing catch with the squeaky plush frog.....I didn't know she could toss it over the porch overhang! I sure hope it's angled enough that Mr. Squeaky Frog doesn't get trapped on the roof......

I need to sweep the floors......the Pyrs are molting. (mOlting, not mElting! Although Bailey is playing the part of the doggy puddle really well - he got the emoting part *down*) Even though I am just about at the point of not caring what people think of my lack of house-keeping skills, I do want it to look nice for the kids' return tomorrow. In fact, except for the floors, it looks pretty darn good in here! Yeah, the kitchen table is cluttered, as is the island....but I can *see* parts of both. That is an improvement over when the kids are home and scattering their toys and other possessions around (bet that stops when Zoey eats the next stuffed animal, huh?)
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
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